Another time perhaps

A vision of an encounter passed. My last night I spend alone in my beautiful home. Perhaps I thought there could be one more miracle, maybe it happened afterall.

Goodnight to the world.

Number 33

After (just shy of) 18 months, I will give the keys of my home away to another who shall now call it home. Here, between the 4 walls of number 33, I had found the most unexpected gifts, blessings, love and intimacy, joy and heartbreak. In this small one bedroom I had protection from the elements, a place to be safe, and a home for my lover when his no longer felt like home, a place of healing and comfort and a space of freedom. A refuge for my friends who needed a place to stay - a home for those I loved.

In the winter a fireplace would radiate heat and light - keeping the pains of cold away. In summer the windows and door would be open and a breeze would cool the heat. The perfect middle of all that is needed. A home that is by no means lavish or extravagant, but every single bit a home as a castle is to a king. The expression goes: “home is where the heart is”, and my heart is in every picture that hung on the walls, every piece of glass that was gifted and collected in my bar, the bed that I had always wanted, the incense that burned in my lamp and even in the table that I sanded and decorated. In this home my heart was everywhere - even in the reed heart that hung in the bathroom.

This house had become my expression of love.
A place of candles and music.
A place with good food and delicate smells of morning coffee.
A house that I bought for two, but leave as one.

It seems strange to have such a bond with bricks and concrete, to experience sadness for having to say goodbye. The reality is that this structure has housed the vision of a future, a desire of love and unity and a home base for love - and one cannot help but grow attached to such a beautiful dream. I look into this structure and see an empty shell that remains - it is such a sad moment, such a sad reality. A house for two, comfortable and safe. My greatest wish is that this home's potential will be realised my dreams of it one day fulfilled.

My final night in my very own No. 33 will be on Tuesday, 25 August 2015; with a blow-up bed and a vanity bag. A final night with a fireplace lit and incenses burning. A goodbye to what once was and sadly could never really be.

I do pray that those who inhabit this amazing house, will have the best of times, start a family here and live happily for many years, enjoy the heat of the fire and the cool breeze, have a piping hot shower and stare up at the wooden ceilings - happiness. These 4 walls deserve to have a dream realised.

Thank you, my house, for everything that you were and symbolised. I am equally sorry for what you never became. I will always remember the memories in between your walls, every laugh, kiss, massage, hug and tear will go with me forever.

Thank you for the life that you enabled me to have.

I will miss the green and gray.

Silence

Why is it, that through it all I remained respectful and silent to my own story. Why do I give such respect when it is not returned in kind?

Saints and Sinners