I have seen, I have felt, I have listened

Finally I have been humbled with true empathy.

To truly see through the eyes of another, to not "see" but through my own glasses. To see the situation for what it really is.

To listen with the ears of another, so humbling and so scary. To hear the pain of the words you have spoken, to hear the misunderstanding and to hear the words unsaid.

To feel with the heart of another, I have felt, the betrayal and the pain. The hurt and the emotion. The anger and resentment. I have felt.

Have you?
Ry

Frustration

My frustration, so big and powerful. A feeling of hopelessness and powerlessness. Such frustration.

You know that feeling when you have the answer to something, to a problem, the solution to a puzzle or to anything in life really, but the power does not rest with you to make the decision - there is this frustration that builds up inside you. This wave of emotions that flow with it. It can bring you to tears and make you seem so irrational - and perhaps it makes you irrational. I can only speak from my own experiences.

I have been so frustrated in recent weeks and months, frustrated and powerless to change something, to fix and mend a relationship. Moments of feeling content for having the answer, knowing that I will always be wiser and better in knowing the answer to my problem. Then new information is obtained and new directions noted and noticed and that frustration swells up again, bringing with it the emotions. The whole cycle is very frustrating actually. I am sure you all have experienced that in your own lives? Parents often feel it with their children and the mistakes that the children make and are on the way to making - I sympathise with my poor mother. I get it now. That frustration. It is horrible. I recall now the mistakes that she warned me about, before I made them, yet in my stubbornness I refused to accept and it bit me in the ass.

What is there to do? When you teach and the pupil does not want to learn? Let that frustration eat you alive, or do you simply rest in the fact that you have done all that you can? All you can do is keep praying, keep looking up, dig deep and be brave and bold.

The trick is to never stop teaching. Never stop trying to teach, everyone and anyone who is willing to listen, always forgive the pupils who come back. If I remember correctly my mom always gave me comfort and told me she loved me - even if I made a mistake she tried to teach me about. That is the approach that I will take. Always love. Always keep teaching. Dont let the frustration get to you, rest in the fact that you have the knowledge, that you will change what needs to change and keep teaching. A true teacher, like a mother, never gives up on their children, and will teach the same lesson endlessly until it is understood.

My frustration, dear readers, will surely be there, but I will continue to teach. I will never let my frustrations stop me from teaching. From achieving. From getting the world that I desire and the lessons that come with it. Perhaps my lessons will help someone to achieve the world that they are looking for. All I can do is try.

Dont be frustrated people. Know what is in your control and what is not. Let go of what you have no control over and leave that to the universe. Keep learning. Keep teaching. Never let frustration become the reason you stop. In work, love, family or life. Never give up!

Strongs my readers!
Always!

Peace

In that moment between rage and sadness there is a small window of absolute peace. It is in that space where God dwells in all His glory. In that space is where love is truly the strongest. In that balance of heaven and earth you find the inner peace required to forgive all, to smile from the put of your stomach and be happy in all things. In that space, where only God and the best of universal energy dwells, where you can find happiness, where you can find hope and good in everyone.

Forgive whole-heartedly.
Love without limits.
Be faithful in all things.
Learn from mistakes.
Change what is wrong.
Become the best of you.

Be at peace, listen to the words of God, the tips from the Universe. Believe in the power greater than yourself and have faith in the journey. Only when you are truly quiet will you hear the voice of God.

2 months today

It has been 2 months today since our relationship was ripped from my life. Today is also our anniversary day. Happy once anniversary dear man! Time has not dulled the pain of loss in my heart. Time has not dulled the love I feel for you. Time has only taken away the superficial feelings of pain and hurt - at least!

I miss you today like I cannot describe - everything I see reminds me of you. The sun is not shining as brightly as it used to, the sky is not as blue as it used to be and food somehow tastes bland today. I miss you TVK. I miss you. I love you and am in love with you. Let go of what once was, and focus on what could be... Let me love the pain away, let me prove to you that you are worthy of receiving it. Lets change what we should change to be better men for each other.

I love you - so much!

So it must be...

Welcome home!

Untitled.

I write a post today that is untitled. There is no title that can describe this post. This posts finds me having put my pride aside, put my ego aside and be brutally honest with you, the world and universe.

Last night, after an intense prayer and meditation, although painful,  I surrendered entirely. It was time for me. In that moment of surrender, when I accepted what was - I received the clarification for the past. It is strange - Oprah mentioned once, that when you have done all you can do, begged, bargained and pleaded, there is nothing else to do but surrender to a power higher than yourself. Once you do that, you will receive what God, the universe has planned for you.

It seems that last night was my moment. Only when I truly could feel myself release and surrender did I received what I was ready to receive at that time. All I had prayed for, was for the man I love to love me again, to come back to me again, for us to be together again. This nagging feeling inside my heart and soul told me our story was not complete.

I know my worth and my value to this world, I am on a path of discovering my true purpose and being the man I am supposed to be on this earth. I have discovered many things, learned many lessons, felt many emotions and deal with many things, to say that I am a different man now than 6 months ago is truly an understatement. The two can hardly be compared.

The truth that I realised last night, the clarity that I received - the words that I finally listened to and understood - hit me hard. It knocked my breath away and I felt ashamed. I am filled with regret and with guilt at the actions from my relationship, from both parties. God had to bring me to my knees, to humble me in front of Him, to show that my pride is nothing more than a roadblock. I had to truly accept some harsh truths about myself and about my ex partner. The insecurities that haunted us, that caused us to become strangers, fears that became greater than love itself.

The road we were travelling, without a map, without guidance, was only setting us up for this eventuality. How can we have ever been enough for each other, when we never told each other what we needed from each other. How could we be enough when we never guided each other. How could we know what to do or not to do, without that information. We have been setting ourselves up for failure. We failed love. Love never failed us.

No one can be expected to know what to do, when they have not yet been told what to do. They will never meet expectations if they are not clarified. I fucked up. Big time. I admit that, humbly. I bare as much of the blame.

Much needs to be said. Pride and ego must be put on the line. Guidance accepted as guidance and not attack. A change to fix. A chance to change. A chance to be better than ever before. Or a chance to say a final goodbye. All I can do is try, to humble myself in front of the man I love.

Dear readers, love cannot fail. Love is the ultimate force of nature, it is the fabric of our existence and the bond that we have with all forces of the universe. It is our link to creation. Love cannot fail. People can fail. I failed. We failed.

Be blessed,
Ryno

A poem for you

It started as a feeling that grew intensely
You showed me a new life
You cut away the past, without a knife

I man I prayed for,
This man I found in you.
From the top of your head to the sole of your shoe.

Through the challenges and pain,
Strong our love remained.
Always resolute and absolute.

The many warnings shown,
Warnings of darkness growing,
The seeds of pain we were sewing.

Many times you were shown to see,
What the darkness was doing to me.
Asking you to turn away.

Suddenly it was over, ended.
You threw in the towel,
Surrendered.

Insecurities had dulled the light,
Suddenly there was confusion and dark.
Forever I thought, we would fight.

Our dreams now fading,
Laughter of children,
Now thoughts so barren.

Do you feel not good enough for me?
Was the fear so great,
You could only turn away from me?

On my back I would carry you.
Over mountains and deserts, to show you places you wanted to see
That is what you meant to me.

Did I drive you away?
Did my fears and insecurities,
Force you not to stay?

I opened my heart for you to see,
I tried to show you all that our love could be,
Was I not good enough for you?

I deleted my sources of darkness,
Removed the seeds of pain,
For in us, there is much more to gain

Returning to the shadows,
It is so easy and free,
I ask you now, to come back to me.

Our flaws make us human,
Acceptance and change is the key,
You were always perfect to me.

Why can you not turn away from the darkness,
To delete the seeds of pain and turn to the light?
I beg you to leave it be, return to love, return to me.

Your face I see in my prayers,
The hurting cries of lonely tears,
Embrace the light and forget the fears.

Next to me your soul does sleep,
Silent tears roll down his cheek,
A reminder to me of the love we keep.

Thank you, for the time you gave to me.
For the love you offered me.
For the passion I will never forget.

In my heart you will always be.
Only time will tell and we will see,
What our love was meant to be.

Goodbye.
Farewell.
Stay well.

I love you.