The ManChild

A love told me once, that in every future that he saw with me - I outgrow him and that if he stays he will be dragging me down with him. I battled with this, for a long time, almost a year in fact. I had always believed that it was the same as "it is not you, its me", you know, letting someone down easy. For so long I had become used to diminishing my own journey and the absolute magnanimity of my lifes work, of my life.

Had it been so easy to admire another, idolise or revere another to such a high regard that I had entirely overlook your own greatness, my own achievements and the fact that my life has and is on a road of inspiration? As I started peeling away the layers of what I had come to believe and what I had accepted for so long, I began to identify the magic inside of me. Eventually enough walls were broken down and enough curtains opened to see that he was correct all along. Regardless of the intention of his words those evenings, he had been speaking the truth of the reality - had he eventually seen that which I am, and when faced with our side by side reflections in the Godmirror; was the unvarnished facts to much to accept and bare?

Had the "manchild" actually outgrown the "self actualized adult" already? Years ago. After finding out the hard facts one November only 6 months into the relationship, and having the passion and love to forgive even then - had I not outgrown him then already? My best friend has heard the tears that day and received the phonecall with the truth found. I had the courage to face my pains and hurts straight on, one after another, defeating the darkness with loving light and evolving in leagues. It is actually amusing and awe-inspiring to me, my roots had been growing all along - even when I had been plunged into the darkness. Is the willingness to step outside of the comfort bubble not more growth than someone who holds on to theirs with both hands, legs and chains? Who can tell.

What I do know, what I do see, the untouchable figure with a darkness around. The truth was spoken that night, I see that now.