Now I cry

Many months ago, the man I love(d) made the decision to walk away from all that which we were, are and could be. It was without a doubt the most gut wrenching experience of my life. We had both shed so many tears about each other and that which we will no longer be. I cried a river of tears. We both cried rivers of tears.

Months later, I am still shown the life that is now being led. The lies that have permeated to the morals and values once established by the man I love(d). The betrayal of own self that is occurring on a frequent basis and has become a new established self. I do not want this, I do not want to see and I do not want to feel. I do not want to cry the tears for him anymore. Yet still I see, still I get shown.

I have asked God on many occasions why, I have had arguments and discussions about the intention behind these sights and sounds, these emotions and hurt. Why? Why? Why? Just when I feel like I have let go and the universe had let go, I get another dream or insight that reminds me of what is being done and brings tears rolling down my cheeks. Tears of pain and remorse. Tears of heartbreak for the one that walked away, still I care so much, still I love so much that I have a purpose to achieve. God has answered my questions.

I was put on this earth to help those who need it. I have been given gifts of sight and gifts of words to help, to guide and to assist those who are lost on the path. Even when I had made the biggest mistake of my adult life, even when I deceived the one I love(d) to win him back and keep him safe inside me, my gifts were at work and did not falter on their purpose - instead they were meant to help me and bring me back onto the path I was intended to be on, by force when needed. I need to help. I have to help. I have to stay true to myself, always. I had tried to control the actions to prevent the pain before, but the universe ensures that the lessons learned are done so in the fashion they are required. I am there to guide, not to control - as much as it may hurt me.

Jeff Brown said it best: You are a truly great love that had to be let go. You are from the angelic realms, brought here to show others what lives beyond the practical world. You are here to bring others closer to what they are meant to do. You show people all the beauty that is possible. You have to be let go, for a lesson to be learned.

This is my gift, that is my purpose - to bring people closer to themselves and to show those who have experienced my love what is possible beyond the practical perception of their lives. This is why my tears had to fall, continued to fall, until I had done what I was supposed to do. One way or another. I had to put the guidance of my gift into the realm and know that it will be read and understood in the right time and in the right frame of life for those who it is intended.

From the most unexpected source I was given an answer to a question: "What is a soulmate? Well it’s like a best friend but more. It’s the one person in the world who knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone who makes you a better person. Actually they don’t make you a better person, you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone you carry with you forever. People think a soulmate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soulmate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. Soulmates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then possibly leave. A soulmates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life.  It’s the one person who knew you and accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would, not even yourself. And no matter what happens, you’ll always love them, nothing can ever change that.

 The fact of the truth is that I am not in control of the actions that others chose to take. Their actions and the resulting consequences are theirs to carry - however I can give guidance before a bad decision is made, or I can be there to help correct and advise after a bad decision had been made. I have learned my lesson the hard way in attempting to take control of the actions of others, especially those I love the most - whenIi try and take control I also take on the responsibility, and the truth is that sometimes you have to fall to learn the lesson.

I am being shown so that I can guide. I am seeing so I can teach. There is an incomplete story that I have to complete. If I do not teach, I will be straying from my true path intended for me, if I force myself to walk away now I will betray that which I have been blessed with. I can teach, but it is not my decision if others chose to learn.

For those who read this, and the posts that follow, open your heart and open your mind. Feel the love that I write with and understand the purpose of my words. They are gifts from the universe.

Forever,
Ry