Letters to God

The last few weeks and months, I have been spending a lot of time writing my prayers down. Writing to God as though he was my best friend. Openly an honestly. I always find that I end up writing pages, for hours - just writing. The sheer act of writing opens my mind to everything I did not think I had to say. It is truly amazing.

I would take these letters, fold them away and keep them in a special place next to my bible. They are prayers, they are meant to be kept safe. Yesterday however, I started reading each one out loud - the tears of the pain I felt while writing shamelessly flowed and as I finished each one, I would burn it - allowing the smoke to carry my message to God, to the universe. In flashes of light and intense heat, each letter would be taken, it's contents released from my soul and handed over to God. The joy, the gratefulness of the love that I had for a brief time, the passion and memories filled my mind and gave me the peace that God had intended for His children. The comfort of futures not yet known, the knowledge that God has a plan bigger than I can imagine for myself - replaced the pain and tears.

The words that I read, the lessons that I have learned, the pleading and pain I captured - let go. Each word I read, I would feel. Each feeling I would allow and be absorbed by, but then I would let go as the paper gets turned into light and heat. Each flash of light would make the tears shimmer, each gust of heat would dry them. My ritual of letting go. Getting it out.

Letters to the one I once loved. The letters full of promises of hope and futures, of forgiveness, of questions and confusion  - soon followed. They were really letters to God after all, letters to release my pain and anger, to forgive and move forward. Every letter had claimed its tear and every flash of fire had taken them and released me. I am not ready to let go, not yet. I believe in my future not yet seen and the lessons learned, and the change that needs to happen.

My letters to God. My prayers. They belong to the universe now.

Let go of what was.
Believe in what will be.
Have endless faith.
Love hard.
Ry