Forgiven

At long last a broken mind has been able to reconcile the events of the past, finally understanding the checks and balances, seeing things for the brutal truth that they are and have been.

It is enough to sheer a heart into many pieces and fracture a soul into shards, yet it is a strange freedom and comfort. To be shown the truth, in all its detail and glory, a truth long denied and often overlooked and forgiven.

It is strange, the silent hope that remained, that flicker of light in the broken corners of my heart. A silent waiting for something to change. The silence was deafening and the waiting agonising. I had the solution but was gagged by many forces and limitations.

Finally I have reconciled the pain from the actions, understanding the actions and their root driver, putting the pieces together and finally getting my answers. The 3rd law of motion.

Oh how I loved you, with my all and everything, unconditionally and completely and shown and proved time and time again. I chose you, for all your flaws and loved you in spite of everything, giving much when I had little, giving what was in my means always. I loved you so strongly and so truly.

I chose now to no longer focus on the negative aspects of you, of us (although easier, is the cowardice thing to do). I have been praying and saying daily thanks for the blessings of our relationship and our love, the good lessons that I have learned from the hurt and dissapointment even at the bitter end. I have been blessed to feel love like I have, and to love as fiercely as I did. The biggest mistake of my life was generated out of the pure intensity of my love for you and I take that as a lesson in itself. It will become my greatest blessing.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for everything good that you have done for me in the short time we were blessed together and thank you truly for the lessons learned from the hard times.

Thank you, TVK, and regardless if you read this, it is my written message for you, my thank you and my declaration. How I wish things could be different, however they are as they should be, the natural consequence and the 3rd law that applies so strongly.

As I said in a precious post, perhaps in days, weeks, months or years to come out paths will cross again and we will have grown enough as citizens of the universe to truly appreciate each other and be ready for the magnanimity of the love we shared and is destined for. A new beginning and completely clean start. All I can do is pray, always, for you and for me.

In another day and another life perhaps.

I forgive you, for all the pain, for all the hurt and for all the decisions that had a negative effect. I forgive you. I understand now. I have been given the answer and been given the clarity. I am so sorry for many things, but I am the most sorry that I could not save you, me or us. It weighed heavily on me for a long time and I carried much guilt.

I forgive myself for the bad decisions that I have made, for the hurt that I have caused and the pain that I inflicted. All I can do is ask for your forgiveness, and leave it to you. It is not something taken, it is given.

To the amazing victories and achievements of the future, may we be blessed. May we have in abundance and appreciate even the smallest of gifts and grace.

Be safe. Be strong. Be healthy. Be wise. Be valuable. Be good.

For the final time, until God decides different: I love you TVK, always did and probably always will. I miss you.

Go and be at peace, wander in joy and believe in magic.

Goodbye, farewell, so long and thank you!
Ry